Guest: Why does your dog sit there and watch meeat?
Hotel Host: I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from.
CEO: My wife made a millionaire out of me.
Assistant: What were you before?
CEO: A multimillionaire.
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention howunfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.
He arrived in New York City a week ago and barelyknew his way around. What's more, he only speaks afew words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
Does He Bite 它咬人吗?
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?
Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
The child and his mother
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Nurse: Don't you like your new baby sister, Johnny?
Johnny: She's all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a new sister, and now he'll think I'm trying to copy him.